since everyone’s talking about it, here’s the potato-stuck-in-ass fic
Hawke and LI are introducing some sort of novelty to their sex lives. It goes horribly, hilariously wrong. Accidentally burn the house down with waxplay; alert the town guard and/or concerned neighbor brigade with loud S&M; scar the sibling who overhead some disturbing roleplay; something got stuck and they had to employ outside help for extraction; embarrassing injuries that require a very revealing walk of shame to Anders’ clinic.
Just make sure its so amazing they’ll tell stories about it at the Hanged Man for years to come.
Bonus points if its so spectacular Hawke is no longer “Champion of Kirkwall” but “that one guy/gal who ran out into the Hightown streets naked after….” or some such variant.